Episode 18: Psychomancy for Non-psychomancers

[SCENE 1: A Hallway]

BRYNN: And… done. I think.

JENNA: Give.

BRYNN: Ok, jeez.

SYLVIA: My dearest Jenna,

If you're reading this. it means- well, it means a few things. It means our plan to keep you from the institute failed- that’s fine. It was only plan A. It was plan A because above all we wanted to keep you safe. We still want that. But there are other factors at work. Other concerns.

I'm getting ahead of myself. The other thing that must be true for you to be reading this journal is that you've found a photomancer you can trust. That’s good. That is very important. If you had them break the encryption so you could read this, you must have them apply a new one so only you can read this. There is an incantation in the back in case she hasn't learned the proper one yet. Alandra, my photomancer, prepared it for me. Please encrypt the journal before you read any further.

This journal is plan B. To arm you with knowledge. Knowledge of the past but also knowledge of the future. I hate to say this, because I know it's going to sound cheesy as hell, but there's actually a prophecy. And you're the key figure in it.

BRYNN: What’s it say?

JENNA: *flipping to the back* Can you perform this one now?

BRYNN: Uh, no. That’s ritual magic. I don't have anything like what I need for that.

JENNA: Someone’s coming! I-ll -

BRYNN: Give it to me, if I’m gonna do this ritual I have to study it -

JENNA: I’ll rip out the page with the ritual -

BRYNN: Jenna, I know where to hide things in this school. I’ve been doing it since I was 8. Please trust me.

[beat]

JENNA: I’m sorry, I just-

BRYNN: You really want this, unencrypted, sitting in your bedroom, where Ms. Harper could come in at any time?

JENNA: I don’t, I guess.

BRYNN: Then trust me to hide it until we can make it safe.

JENNA: I’m going with you.

BRYNN: Like I’m showing you my best hiding spot.

JENNA: Brynn…

BRYNN: Fine, c’mon. But when we get there, you’re waiting in the hallway.

[Electromancy Theme plays]

CREDITS: Electromancy, Episode 18 - Psychomancy for Non-Psychomancers

[SCENE 2: MARINA’S OFFICE (WAS BRUCE’S OFFICE UNTIL THIS MORNING)]

MARINA: Come in, Bruce. What do you think about this - here?

BRUCE: What’s going on here?

MARINA: What does it look like? I’m moving into my new office.

BRUCE: This is my office!

MARINA: Not anymore. Your new office is on the fifth floor. I had your stuff teleported this morning.

BRUCE: Why wasn’t I told?

MARINA: Wanted to tell you myself, it’s much more fun.

BRUCE: What are you even still doing here? Leonard is gone, and with him any leads we had-

MARINA: Recent events have convinced the board that the magecorps needs a permanent presence at the school. Plus we need a new sonomancy professor, and I’ve volunteered to take on the job for the rest of the semester.

BRUCE: You? Working with kids?

MARINA: Yes, these ones in particular need a competent and loyal role model. Who knows what that foreigner was teaching them?

BRUCE: So why aren’t you moving into Leonard’s office?

MARINA: It’s an active crime scene. Also, I felt you needed to be punished for your [pause] staggering incompetence. So, this painting? Here, or on the far wall by the door? I like it on the opposite side from the window, adds a bit of color. Oh, your new office doesn’t have one, by the way. A window. Sorry about that.

BRUCE: You haven’t heard the end of this!

MARINA: Oh, I assure you, I have. Once you get settled in, go see Dean Ventrassi. He can explain the new arrangement to you in more detail.

[SCENE 3: THE BRIDGE OUTSIDE THE ELECTROMANCY DORM]

ELLIE: Trust me, though, when you get to Algebra II, you’re going to HATE it. Like, seriously, I was so flustered on that test. And Devon! He was sitting right in front of me and just kept staring, like, daggers at me. And I don’t know what I did, I mean, we just went on that trip and we were, like, starting to be friends? It’s weird, Justin. Super weird.

JUSTIN: Maybe you were thinking too loudly?

ELLIE: What’s that supposed to mean?

JUSTIN: Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Forget I said anything.

ELLIE: Okay, like, definitely not going to forget that. What do you know? Spill.

JUSTIN: Look, during… during the… time you two can’t remember, I found out that Devon is a psychomancer.

ELLIE: What? Seriously? How- Justin, for real, you can’t tell anyone okay? I mean, like, thank you for telling me, because I was going to make you, but you can’t tell anyone else. This is, like, really serious.

JENNA: Oh, hey Ellie. Hi Justin. Wait, lemme put my bag down. [stilted] Hi, Justin. How... are... you.... doing?

JUSTIN: I’m good.

JENNA: How… was… my…

JUSTIN: Keep practicing.

ELLIE: *laughs* I’ll see you later, bro. And seriously, don’t tell anyone what you told me.

JENNA: It’s not good, is it?

ELLIE: Hold up your hand? “you” - the thumb needs to be curled inside the palm. If it’s down by your middle finger like that it means “fruit”. You asked my brother how fruit was doing. I mean, he can read lips, but, like, reading lips isn’t really reliable like, at all, but, with the context I’m sure he understood what you meant to say.

JENNA: This is hard!

ELLIE: Probably, yeah. [door opens.] I started learning it when he was a baby, so it was a lot easier for me- but I’m sure he appreciates you making the effort! Speaking of, I have to tell you something.

JENNA: Yeah?

ELLIE: Yeah, c’mon. I’ll tell you in the room.

[walking, door.]

ELLIE: Okay, so Justin says that Devon is a psychomancer.

JENNA: What? How does he know that?

ELLIE: He found out during that afternoon when we got our memories erased.

JENNA: I wonder why he’s hiding it.

ELLIE: Oh, I have a pretty good guess.

JENNA: Brynn is guilting him into it so he can use it to cover for her?

ELLIE: Yeah. But, this is perfect. She has your secrets, now you have one of hers too. She squeals on you, you can squeal right back.

JENNA: Ouch. Not sure I’d want to do that to Devon.

ELLIE: I guess.

JENNA: If his memory was erased, he doesn’t know that he told anyone.

ELLIE: Right. Ugh.

JENNA: So do we tell him that we know? Or wait for him to tell us?

ELLIE: I don’t know. Justin’s sensitive to that stuff, so he was able to tell when Devon was reading his mind, but I’ve never been able to notice that-

JENNA: I - I don’t know, sometimes when I’m around psychomancers there’s like a tingle? But it’s one of those things that’s really subtle. I always put up blocks when I feel it though? Guess I’ll have to start keeping them up around Devon too.

ELLIE: Put up blocks?

JENNA: Yeah, mind blocks. You don’t- you can structure your thoughts in a way that’s frustrating to telepaths. It’s not magic- anyone can do it. It just takes practice. And of course strong telepaths can plow through anyway. It’s more about slowing them down than stopping them. You didn’t know about this?

ELLIE: No…

JENNA: I guess the benefit of training mages to resist enemy telepaths is probably not worth losing the ability to survey your own mages. That makes sense. I just kind of assumed everyone at least knew it was a thing-

ELLIE: Uh, no, that’s definitely not a thing everyone knows about. Can you teach me?

JENNA: It takes a while to get good at. Um… do you ever meditate?

ELLIE: Can’t say I ever have.

JENNA: Okay, well, to resist a telepath, you have to be really aware of your own thoughts. The way my dad explained it to me was that most people’s minds are like a… messy room. And if someone came in here, the stuff they’d see would be the stuff you use the most, right, because that’s the stuff that’s out. Stuff you don’t ever use might still be in the bottom of a drawer or under the bed. So if you can learn to put certain stuff in a box in the back of the closet, it's going to be a lot harder for someone coming into the room to find that stuff.

ELLIE: Okay, but, like, Jenna, my brain is like a room that’s in the process of being hit by a tornado. Like, there’s thoughts swirling around constantly and sometimes one just comes out of my mouth without my even meaning for it to.

JENNA: That explains a lot. Okay, well, honestly, telepaths aside, meditation might just be… helpful? On the other hand, the random thought could provide a sort of barrier to someone looking to go deeper- I don’t know. I’m not a psychomancer.

ELLIE: I want to try it. I feel like if we’re getting into like, you know *whispering* subversive stuff * it’s probably good if we can all block psychomancy.

JENNA: It doesn’t block it. It just makes it a little harder to poke around.

ELLIE: Like, still though. Hey, are you doing okay? You’ve seemed a little… distant. SInce this weekend.

JENNA: I’m still feeling weird about trusting Brynn, I guess. I mean, I needed her help. I needed to read this-

ELLIE: Wait, is it decrypted?

JENNA: Yeah, but now I have to re-encrypt it quickly. And Brynn convinced me to let her hide it… somewhere, until we can.

ELLIE: So she has it now?

JENNA: Sort of. It’s hidden, but… she could read it. Ellie, I didn’t have a choice.

ELLIE: You kinda did.

JENNA: Between two bad options! And I’m still freaked out by that woman in the shop. I wish I was actually fluent in Ardovan so I could have understood what she said. I’m embarrassed for not knowing my own language when you know Oswerian and Tolskvar and freaking Tolskvar sign language-

ELLIE: I guarantee my Tolskvar is worse than your Ardovan. I can, like, ask where the bathroom is and that’s it.

JENNA: Still, though, Tolsk is like- I mean, it’s been part of the empire since your great-grandparent’s days. Ardova only officially surrendered - what, 20 years ago? Our language and culture are a lot more vibrant, plus I had 16 years to learn and practice and I just- didn’t. Enough anyway. I feel like I failed my ancestors, but also I really wish I knew exactly what that stranger had been trying to tell me, because it sounded like something about my father. What if he was trying to send me a message? I haven’t had a letter from him in a long time. What if something is wrong?

[SCENE 4: THE CAFETERIA]

BRYNN: We need to tell them.

DEVON: No. Absolutely not.

BRYNN: This is bigger than you or me, Devon. Jenna trusted me with some big stuff- we’re a team now. And we need everyone on the team to know everything we have at our disposal. Including secret telepaths.

DEVON: Ellie is terrible at keeping secrets, Brynn. Any secret plans involving super-secret stuff should not involve Ellie. And I’m not telling her the secret that could get even me kicked out of the school.

BRYNN: Devon, just, hear me out-

DEVON: End. Of. Discussion.

LUCAS: Devon. Hey.

BRYNN: What are you doing here, Burns?

LUCAS: Not here to talk to you. Devon, can we talk for a minute?

DEVON: Uh… sure?

LUCAS: Walk with me.

DEVON: Okay.

LUCAS: Wanted to ask you about the, uh, the fall dance. Coming up. Were you thinking about going?

DEVON: It’s not really my scene usually. Are you?

LUCAS: Yeah, I usually go. I like dancing. And… I look good in a suit. Look, I- I’m just gonna throw this out there. Do you want to go to the dance with me?

DEVON: Like, wait- like a date?

LUCAS: Yeah, like a date. You like guys, right?

DEVON: I definitely like guys.

LUCAS: Thought you did. Look, it’s a limited time offer. Plenty of people want to date me, er, be my date. I’m giving you first dibs.

DEVON: Why?

LUCAS: What do you mean, why?

DEVON: I mean, why? I’m not the kind of arm candy I usually see you sporting. No offense.

LUCAS: I don’t know what you’re saying, dude. Do you want to go with me, or not? It’s really no sweat either way.

DEVON: Way to make a guy feel wanted.

LUCAS: Look, you know what I mean.

DEVON: Sure. This is just.. completely out of nowhere for me?

LUCAS: Yeah it’s kinda out of nowhere for me too. You’re not wrong that you’re not the kind of person I tend to go for. But I can’t stop thinking about you, and I’ve never been shy about going after what I want.

DEVON: [very flustered] But, like, uh, it’s so public? Like, you really want everyone to see you and me? Together?

LUCAS: What’s weird about that?

DEVON: Everything is weird about that.

LUCAS: So that’s a “no” then?

DEVON: I… didn’t say that. I did just buy a new suit.

LUCAS: So that’s a yes?

DEVON: I guess it is.

[SCENE 5: THE DEAN’S OFFICE]

[door being forced open]

BRUCE: You!

DEAN: Mr. McCray, some decorum please-

BRUCE: You need to explain to me what’s going on!

DEAN: Professor Animar didn’t explain already? The magecorps is concerned about recent events. They want a permanent presence here. Marina was good enough to take on a few of Leonard’s classes until we can find a replacement, and you and she will be working together for the time being to make sure we don’t have any more… incidents.

BRUCE: And you gave her my office?

DEAN: I did not. Oh, I see. She did request some shuffling about of work spaces… I suppose I should have paid closer attention.

BRUCE: What exactly is my job here if you’ve just handed the reins over to her?

DEAN: The same as it's always been, Mr. McCray. Keep the students safe. Do you think Dr. Sumner’s departure is the end of this? He could have had accomplices. He could have set any number of plans in motion. And given that I went to bat to get him hired despite his… background, it’s my head on the pike if anything else does go wrong.

And there may be something else going on.

BRUCE: What do you mean, something else?

DEAN: We sent another team to follow up with Mr. Donovan. He was uncooperative, and we may have found some… connections to an Ardovan dissident group aligned with the Northern Coalition. Nothing conclusive by any means. And it seems Ms. Donovan’s association with Dr. Sumner was limited - but now Katya reports she’s made friends with Tessek.

BRUCE: That’s not too surprising. They did have a traumatic experience together. That sort of thing can bring people closer.

DEAN: Or Sumner’s cover was blown before he could make contact and he’s left Tessek behind as his agent to continue his mission to radicalize and convert Donovan, an extremely useful asset or an extremely dangerous foe.

BRUCE: You mind-scanned Tessek last week. She was clean.

DEAN: It was far from conclusive.

BRUCE: Have you been mind-scanning Donovan?

DEAN: Passively. If she is involved with the coalition, I don’t want her knowing we’re on to her. But we need to know more about what’s going on. And I need you on that. A few weeks ago I told you to build a rapport with the girl-

BRUCE: I was, before this whole fiasco happened.

DEAN: Well, start again.

BRUCE: If you were worried about this, why did you let Tessek and Donovan go off campus together?

DEAN: This school isn’t the only magecorp location where we’re concerned about a mole. Donovan and Tessek were bait for an entirely different investigation.And believe it or not, we may have caught someone.

[SCENE 6: OUTSIDE A CLASSROOM]

DYLAN: Hey.

JENNA: (flatly) Hi.

DYLAN: You okay? You look stressed.

JENNA: I guess I kinda am.

DYLAN: Anything you want to talk about?

JENNA: Not with you.

DYLAN: Whoah, there, okay.

JENNA: Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.

DYLAN: Nah, it’s fine. Well, I’m heading to get some lunch, you want to join me?

JENNA: I made some lunch plans with some other people.

DYLAN: Like Brynn? What’s the deal with that, she’s been awful to you.

JENNA: Yeah, and your friends have been awful to Pem. Everyone is awful to someone.

DYLAN: Hey, I’m not. At least I don’t think I am.

JENNA: You haven’t been great to Ellie.

DYLAN: What do you mean? Ellie’s my pal! I didn’t want to go to the dance with her cause I was planning to ask you. That doesn’t make me a monster.

JENNA: You were planning to ask me?

DYLAN: Oh. Yeah. I was. But I guess now isn’t a great time.

JENNA: Not really, no.

DYLAN: I really like you, Jenna. I’d like to know you better.

JENNA: I’ve gotten that impression.

DYLAN: But you’re resistant.

JENNA: I’ve got a lot on my plate.

DYLAN: But you’re obviously open to making new friends.

JENNA: I guess.

DYLAN: So what am I doing wrong here?

JENNA: You’re not doing anything wrong, Dylan, it’s just… not happening.

DYLAN: So there’s no chance you’d want to go to the dance with me?

JENNA: I’m going with my friend. You know, the one you cruelly rejected?

DYLAN: The one I very gently and politely rejected. Or would have if she hadn’t run off like that. Anyway it was a nicer rejection than the one you’re giving me right now.

JENNA: Look, Dylan, I - don’t dislike you. And you’re- you’re definitely the kind of guy a lot of girls would think of as cute. But I am not interested in dating you, okay? Actually, I’m not interested in dating anybody. I do want to have friends, but our friendship would be more likely to develop if you would stop harassing me.

DYLAN: Harrassing you? I’ve asked you out twice. And the first time you gave me a very soft rejection. I’m pretty sure you said “some other time” which is more or less an invitation to ask again. Other than that I’ve done nothing but be nice to you! In what twisted world is that harassment?

JENNA: Okay, fine. Maybe that wasn’t. This certainly is though. So I guess I’ll be clearer. I’m not interested in dating you, Dylan.

DYLAN: Ok, geez. That’s all you had to say. See you around I guess.

[SCENE 7: THE CAFETERIA AGAIN]

PEM: Lucas? Seriously?

DEVON: I am as confused as you are.

PEM: And you’re sure it’s not a trick?

DEVON: Not at all sure.

PEM: Can’t you, like, read his mind and see?

DEVON: You have no idea how much I wanted to, but that didn’t really seem like an ethical use of my powers.

[some trays clatter]

ELLIE: Hey guys.

PEM: I’m not guys.

ELLIE: I know that, I just meant- fellow students? I don’t have a non-gendered, casual way to address a group of people who I’m friendly with but not necessarily “friends” with.

DEVON: [jokingly] We’re not friends? I’m hurt.

ELLIE: Why were you mad at me during that math test?

DEVON: I wasn’t mad at you, I just - was having trouble focusing and I had a headache.

JENNA: Mind if we join you?

PEM: Of course not.

JENNA: Is Brynn around?

PEM: I don’t know, she split off from me after class and said she needed to do something before dinner.

DEVON: That’s weird, Brynn loves dinner, especially taco night.

PEM: She’s going to miss all of the good tacos.

DEVON: She didn’t say anything about where she was going though?

PEM: Something about spell components?

ELLIE: Components? But you only need those for, like, ritual magic. No one learns that as a sophomore, it's super specialized.

JENNA: I… actually know what she’s doing. Or what she told me she’s doing at least. I guess there’s another thing she could have decided to do instead which would be… worse.

DEVON: Welcome to being friends with Brynn, 101. You find out what she’s up to when she needs your help. Otherwise she’s more or less a closed book.

ELLIE: *telepathically* Even for a telepath?

DEVON: *telepathically* What was that?

ELLIE: *telepathically* uh, nothing, just one of those random thoughts flying out of my brain-tornado. Oh no.

DEVON: Pem, you told them?

PEM: I didn’t! Told them what?

ELLIE: Pem didn’t tell us. You told Justin during that lost day, and since he didn’t get his memory wiped he remembered. Then he accidentally let it slip this morning and then I told Jenna.

DEVON: Lord of Summer, how many people know?

JENNA: As far as I know just those three?

DEVON: So five total? That is way too many. I have to come clean, before they find out some other way. Ellie, how much do we trust your brother not to blab?

ELLIE: I trust him!

BRYNN: Come clean about what?

DEVON: Where did you come from?

BRYNN: Photomancy lab was closed, so I wasn’t able to get the stuff I needed- come clean about what?

DEVON: Apparently everyone at this table and a fifth grader I don’t even remember meeting knows the big secret now. So I need to tell someone, pretend it’s brand new, now, before a professor gets wind of it and I get in serious trouble.

BRYNN: I really, really don’t think you should do that.

DEVON: Why not? Because you want to keep having a secret weapon against mind-scans?

BRYNN: Because shit is about to get real, Devon. Really real. And we’re going to need every edge we can get.

DEVON: Okay, who here actually signed up to be a revolutionary? You know what, don’t answer that. I didn’t. Ellie certainly didn’t. Lord knows Pem didn’t. You two being enemies was awful, but you too being friends is downright terrifying.

PEM: We’re talking really loudly about the stuff people should never talk loudly about....

BRYNN: Point.

[bubble of silence sound]

DEVON: A bubble of silence. Because that’s not suspicious at all.

JENNA: Devon, calm down. Your secret is absolutely safe with us, I promise.

DEVON: But what if I don’t want it to be a secret? What if I want to learn psychomancy from someone who actually knows how to teach it during the one time in my life when I actually have the opportunity?

BRYNN: Devon, we need your powers-

DEVON: Yeah, it’s always about your needs, isn’t it? Always about your mysterious schemes, and your mysterious befriending of sketchy teachers who were probably international spies, and your obsession with the new girl who is probably some kind of domestic terrorist? Honestly, Jenna, you seem really nice, but I don’t know what your deal is, and it seems like the kind of deal that’s gonna land me in prison one day. And you’re both useful enough to get away with this bullshit but I’m not. Pem’s not. Ellie’s not. We don’t have any get-out-of-jail-free cards.

PEM: You have your dad.

DEVON: Don’t remind me. But his influence is limited.

JENNA: Devon, I understand why you’re upset. I never- I wasn’t trying to involve you in anything… sketchy. It just kind of happened. But I’m not a terrorist! I’m literally just a girl trying to get by here, same as you.

DEVON: You’ve got secrets. Dangerous ones you haven’t told any of us.

JENNA: I haven’t told you anything precisely because I didn’t want any of you getting hurt! I’m not trying to start a resistance cell or anything. I just wanted… friends.

BRYNN: That’s not totally true.

JENNA: Okay, I also wanted to be able to read the one thing my probably dead mother left for me. By the way, how’s that coming?

BRYNN: Like I said, the photomancy lab was locked. I couldn’t get the components I needed for the ritual.

JENNA: Or you wanted to give yourself time to read the whole thing first.

BRYNN: No! I told you I wouldn’t. Please trust me.

JENNA: I really don’t.

DEVON: You really shouldn’t.

PEM: This isn’t going to work.

[beat]

ELLIE: What isn’t going to work?

PEM: Whatever this is. This friendship. Or this… alliance? I don’t know what you two have. But it can’t hold together if it's full of secrets. That doesn’t work. We have to be honest with each other, and we have to trust each other. We’re either a team, or we aren’t.

And Devon gets to decide what he does about his power.

BRYNN: Yeah. That’s fair. Devon, it’s your choice. But, if you start actually taking psychomancy, we don’t just lose our advantage. Your mind is going to be totally open to the Psychomancy professor for an hour a day. There’s no way anything you just heard doesn’t get to him.

DEVON: So unless I want to get you all sent away, it’s not really my choice at all anymore. Wonderful. I should have had Dr. Sumner wipe even more of my memories.

JENNA: I’m sorry. This is a crappy position to be in. And none of you asked for it.

ELLIE: Yeah, I mean- I’ll be honest, I still don’t, like, 100% understand what’s going on, but, like, I’m team Jenna. All the way.

PEM: I don’t know. The more I know, the more I’m going to have to lie. And I really don’t like doing that. But none of you have anything beyond a rudimentary grasp of theoretical magic, so I kind of feel I need to be here to provide that perspective. Plus you’re four of the only five people here who have ever been nice to me.

BRYNN: Devon?

DEVON: I’m not gonna rat you all out. So I guess I’m part of whatever conspiracy this is. But I’m here for the low-level mischief-making and that’s it. As soon as this turns into full-on treason, I’m out.

BRYNN: Seems like we’ve got ourselves a posse.

JENNA: Can I have my book back?

BRYNN: Tomorrow. After we perform the ritual. Don’t worry, it's safe until then.

[Gossip Grooving plays]

CREDITS: Electromancy is written, produced and directed by Nathan Comstock. This episode was sound designed by Nathan Comstock with music by Thomas Dwyer. It starred Azul Nova as Jenna, Emily Buza as Sylvia, Leslie Gideon as Brynn, Deja Scott as Marina, Joe Kearney as Bruce, Austin Hendricks as Ellie, Tim Knight as Justin, Tuesday Orion Ibert as Devon, Aubrey Poppleton as Lucas, Karim Kronfli as the Dean, Chris Magilton as Dylan, and Sena Bryer as Pem. Thanks for joining us again for season 2, and thanks to everyone who contributed to our crowdfunding campaign to make this show happen. This episode, we’d like to offer a special thanks to Levi Comstock. Thanks for your support, Levi! We’ll be back with another episode in 2 weeks!

[SCENE 8: The Yard]

BRUCE: Donovan, hey. Wait up.

JENNA: Oh. Uh, hi Mr. McCray. What’s up?

BRUCE: Nothing really. I’m taking a little trip to Ardova tomorrow for some school business. Thought I’d see if I could bring you anything. Any special candy or soda they only make there - that kinda thing.

JENNA: Are you allowed to do that for students?

BRUCE: Eh, what the Dean doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

JENNA: I… I don’t really want any candy or anything. But… I haven’t heard from my dad in a long time. Would you be able to… check in with him? See if he even got my last two letters?

BRUCE: I’ll see what I can do. I’m sure he’s fine though.

JENNA: I hope so…

BRUCE: Chin up, Jenna. It’s gonna be okay.

PROMO:

Narrator: This season, the fate of the galaxy rests in the hands of one woman.

Stella: Who is it?

Narrator: You, Stella.

Stella: Me?

Narrator: Yes!

Captain: That seems unlikely.

Stella: Yeah that does seem unlikely.

(Suspenseful music begins)

Narrator: Old enemies return!

Stella: Oh my god He’s standing right behind me, isn’t he?

Captain: Stella he’s not standing right behind you.

Stella: Oh thank god.

Captain: He’s standing right behind Buttercup.

Buttercup: What?

Professor: Hello, Buttercup.

Friend: Hi Raccoon buddies! Looks like we’re working together on this one.

Eileen: You’ll regret this, you idiot.

Narrator: Family drama ensues.

Glurg: Theed, You don’t recognize your own father?

Theed: I have a father?

Narrator: Existential dread takes hold of everyone!

Buttercup: Have you ever tried really hard to convince yourself that you’re working the job you

want but then you get a taste of something else and you realize you just settled for what was

available when there’s so much out there?

Kevin: Nope.

Puppet: But you love trash!

Theed: Yeah but I love you guys more.

Buttercup: Don’t make it weird, Theed!

Theed: Things are always weird when I’m around.

Narrator: In the thrilling penultimate season of The Stench of Adventure, everything seems to be

falling into place. The perfectly crafted story comes to a perfectly crafted—

(Door)

Hello? Who’s there?